weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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