Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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