She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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