Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
