I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
