??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You are a booty call, not a friend.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Drake has all the answers
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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