Moan for me like Helen Keller
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The air was thick with penises
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
