I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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