you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
