I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
