Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
