if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How external is "for external use only"?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
