I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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