did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
