Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
