i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
