I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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