I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
