dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize