she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
