put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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