is your mom at the bar?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
