I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
