Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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