I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
