I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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