apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
