i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
