Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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