please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
