the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
