no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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