the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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