I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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