Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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