Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
