whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
