Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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