just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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