your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
