If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
did i just pee glitter
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
