Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
