fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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