mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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