he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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