I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
