Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I want a musical about memes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize