That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
