I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
