she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i think i just lost a toe
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
