When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
