Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
