Me too!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
