god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
