The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
