he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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