i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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