That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
