So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
