theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
