Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
