i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
