I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
