I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize