And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
