spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
