you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
