Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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