babies were throwing up all over the place
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
