Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
