3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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