I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
