Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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