I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
