She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
