2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
