OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
